When you Mamas out there were preparing for your little ones, did you think you had it all figured out? A plan for everything, a perfect idea of how each aspect of caring for baby was going to be? Are you cringing at what a colossal waste of dream space that was now? I am! Not that you Mamas to be shouldn't prepare yourselves, it is a great thing to get organized and informed, however things don't always pan out how you planned. For example, my partner and I sought the training of a Lactation Consultant prior to birth. We learned what a perfect latch would be look like and several positions to achieve it, we learned about hand expressing milk and how to operate our breast pump. But what we didn't learn was what to do if you have a Newborn who was on I.V. fluids for her first 6 hours of life, and has a powerful nursing instinct, but has learned to fall asleep while receiving nutrients! My daughter would just space out and use my nipples as a pacifier! Now for many Moms, this may be a sign that the baby is not getting nutrients from the breast because it is simply not there, not in my case! I leaked colostrum for MONTHS, I even pumped it while she was in the NICU so they could syringe coat her mouth with it so she would receive my antibodies and nutrients.
The nurse who set up my pump told me it was common if I didn't get much out and that they would only need a few drops. "Don't worry hon, your milk should come in a few days from now!" Well she left me to pump in private. When she came back she yelped. I filled 2 syringes with colostrum! Now, three weeks later, I fill 2 and 3 oz bottles when I pump. I had to start pumping instead of feeding her from the breast exclusively because of the guidance of another Lactation Consultant. When my daughter was born, she weighed 7lbs, 1.7 oz. By the time we left the hospital she was 6lbs 7oz. We went to a lactation consultant two days after leaving the hospital and she had dropped to 6lbs 3 oz. This was particularly concerning because my milk had come in, in abundance!
The consultant had me feed my daughter during the session. She weighed her at the start, and at the finish, and concluded that in 30 minutes of feeding my daughter was only taking in 10 ml of milk when she needs between 30 and 45 ml (1oz to 1.5 oz) So the consultant suggested that after my daughter ate next, I should pump the remainder of what is in my breasts and set the bottle aside for the next feed. Then, whenever we breast fed, I would follow it up with the bottle of pumped milk, and then pump again. So the cycle started.
By her Pediatrician's appointment the next day, my daughter had gained 3oz! Now, two weeks later, we seem to have hit a wonderful, but trying growth spurt! You can see that my daughter has gained weight, and she eats voraciously, and I can't keep up! She eats so frequently (every hour and a half to two hours) that I can't feed her, pump a bottle, and feed her again to the extent she requires. So a few nights ago, amidst a cacaphone of infant screams and my partner pacing back and forth trying to soothe our daughter, I made a really tough decision, one I didn't want to make, one that turned out to be what my daughter needed. I marched into our kitchen and dug out a box of sample formula a company had sent me. I read the instructions on the bottles labeled "Newborn stage 1 for supplementation while breastfeeding". I marched back to our room, screwed the nipple on to the bottle after shaking it, and handed it to her father who fed our girl while I sobbed.
I was inconsolable. I felt I had failed her. I couldn't give her the nutrition she needed. I couldn't keep up. Here I had spent 2+ weeks feeling like some prize cow in a milk barn, and the abundance of milk I produced was not enough. I was devastated. But then a pretty magical thing happened. My daughter stopped crying. She settled into her Daddy's arms, finished the bottle, and went to sleep. This gave my body time to recuperate, it filled her hungry belly, and it bought us some peace, all of us. So in the end, I made a decision that provided what my daughter needed, whether my body produced it or not. Now we use the formula about once a day, and it allows me to pump larger bottles so that I can provide what she is asking for. It was a frustrating struggle, but we're figuring it out one day at a time, and she is growing!
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