New Mama Talk Topic Today: Bottle V. Breast

     When you Mamas out there were preparing for your little ones, did you think you had it all figured out? A plan for everything, a perfect idea of how each aspect of caring for baby was going to be? Are you cringing at what a colossal waste of dream space that was now? I am! Not that you Mamas to be shouldn't prepare yourselves, it is a great thing to get organized and informed, however things don't always pan out how you planned. For example, my partner and I sought the training of a Lactation Consultant prior to birth. We learned what a perfect latch would be look like and several positions to achieve it, we learned about hand expressing milk and how to operate our breast pump. But what we didn't learn was what to do if you have a Newborn who was on I.V. fluids for her first  6 hours of life, and has a powerful nursing instinct, but has learned to fall asleep while receiving nutrients! My daughter would just space out and use my nipples as a pacifier! Now for many Moms, this may be a sign that the baby is not getting nutrients from the breast because it is simply not there, not in my case! I leaked colostrum for MONTHS, I even pumped it while she was in the NICU so they could syringe coat her mouth with it so she would receive my antibodies and nutrients. 

     The nurse who set up my pump told me it was common if I didn't get much out and that they would only need a few drops. "Don't worry hon, your milk should come in a few days from now!" Well she left me to pump in private. When she came back she yelped. I filled 2 syringes with colostrum! Now, three weeks later, I fill 2 and 3 oz bottles when I pump. I had to start pumping instead of feeding her from the breast exclusively because of the guidance of another Lactation Consultant. When my daughter was born, she weighed 7lbs, 1.7 oz. By the time we left the hospital she was 6lbs 7oz. We went to a lactation consultant two days after leaving the hospital and she had dropped to 6lbs 3 oz. This was particularly concerning because my milk had come in, in abundance!

     The consultant had me feed my daughter during the session. She weighed her at the start, and at the finish, and concluded that in 30 minutes of feeding my daughter was only taking in 10 ml of milk when she needs between 30 and 45 ml (1oz to 1.5 oz) So the consultant suggested that after my daughter ate next, I should pump the remainder of what is in my breasts and set the bottle aside for the next feed. Then, whenever we breast fed, I would follow it up with the bottle of pumped milk, and then pump again. So the cycle started. 

     By her Pediatrician's appointment the next day, my daughter had gained 3oz! Now, two weeks later, we seem to have hit a wonderful, but trying growth spurt! You can see that my daughter has gained weight, and she eats voraciously, and I can't keep up! She eats so frequently (every hour and a half to two hours) that I can't feed her, pump a bottle, and feed her again to the extent she requires. So a few nights ago, amidst a cacaphone of infant screams and my partner pacing back and forth trying to soothe our daughter, I made a really tough decision, one I didn't want to make, one that turned out to be what my daughter needed. I marched into our kitchen and dug out a box of sample formula a company had sent me. I read the instructions on the bottles labeled "Newborn stage 1 for supplementation while breastfeeding". I marched back to our room, screwed the nipple on to the bottle after shaking it, and handed it to her father who fed our girl while I sobbed. 

     I was inconsolable. I felt I had failed her. I couldn't give her the nutrition she needed. I couldn't keep up. Here I had spent 2+ weeks feeling like some prize cow in a milk barn, and the abundance of milk I produced was not enough. I was devastated. But then a pretty magical thing happened. My daughter stopped crying. She settled into her Daddy's arms, finished the bottle, and went to sleep. This gave my body time to recuperate, it filled her hungry belly, and it bought us some peace, all of us. So in the end, I made a decision that provided what my daughter needed, whether my body produced it or not. Now we use the formula about once a day, and it allows me to pump larger bottles so that I can provide what she is asking for. It was a frustrating struggle, but we're figuring it out one day at a time, and she is growing! 

About this Blog and the Author

     Hello, New Mamas! This blog is New Mama Talk, and it is where I will be posting tid bits and opinions on life as a New Mama! Please feel free to comment/ask questions on posts, which is where the 'talk' portion of the Blog title comes in. My first post was a detailed description of my daughter's birth. The second was an overview of my brush with Postpartum blues. I will be posting personal snippets, Mommy tips that I find helpful, tutorials, pictures, lists and more on this blog. If there is a topic you wish to discuss, simply ask! Now, a little about me to get the introductions rolling:
 My name is Jill, I live in Southern Maine with my Partner and our first child. Ava. We have two cats and a dog (Fury, Gregory, and Sofie). I am the manager of a Sporting Goods retail store, my partner is a full time Grad student.
 I run an etsy shop of goods I make myself, and am an avid crafter. I am also the proud creator of a fitness thread on tumblr detailing my fitness journey pre (and now, post) pregnancy, and my love for running. My first passion has always been writing, and I am currently working on several novels I intend to publish for electronic reading devices. I am 28 years old and intend to pursue an education and career in my other passion: cosmetology.

My Tumblr!
My Etsy Shop!

Today's New Mama Talk:Juggling Emotions and a Newborn

   

     Having a new baby (three weeks yesterday!) is wonderful and scary. Since having my daughter, I have noticed an upswing in hormone activity which hasn't made facing the complexity of these feelings any easier. I was a VERY even tempered pregnant woman, amazingly, and didn't have any mood swings to speak of. I am now discovering since giving birth that the slightest things can reduce me to tears. For a while it was happy tears from looking into the tiny, cherub-round face of my beautiful child. In the middle of the first week home, I burst into tears over having to breast feed (that will be a topic of discussion at a later date!) while I was sore and exhausted. I have cried over my impending return to work, which will be in mid-September, because my daughter was crying, because I had to take the dog out, because I thought back on my daughter's scary entry to the world (see my last blog post!!!) I have cried for a multitude of reasons, but the number one reason I find my self crying is from loneliness.
     My daughter's Father is a full time student, and has a lot of school obligations during the week. Nonetheless, he wakes up for every feeding with me, holds our girl so I can shower, and does every other thing a loving and dutiful Daddy does for his baby girl. He is there for me as fully and often as possible, but that is usually during bed time hours. During the day, I am home figuring out life with our tiny human on my own, and I find that every time I find he has to leave us for a class or meeting or study group, I am left feeling cheated. I miss adult companionship and having some
one answer me back intelligibly when I speak to them.
     I can remember seeing studies about Postpartum Depression flash by as I scrolled through my facebook feed and thinking "That will never be me! How scary!" But it IS ME! It could be you, also! I find that there is such a stigma behind Postpartum Depression, and it is viewed by women a bit like leprosy. Let me say, now that I know better, admitting that you have PPD does NOT make you a bad Mother! It does not mean you have failed at Motherhood or at providing for your child. If you suspect, as I did, that you are being affected by PPD speak out. Tell your doctor, your partner, a friend. Seek support. I told my partner, and he has been phenomenal about helping me find support from a professional and from himself.
     Luckily, I have never had a thought of harming my child, self or others. The awful reality is that those are thoughts some women suffering from PPD have had to face. This still does not make you a bad, inadequate, or unfit parent. It makes you human and means you need extra support. The only shame would be in not seeking help and allowing a bad situation to become a horror of a situation. I feel great about the choices I have made for my daughter so far, and one of those choices was to set aside my preconceived notions of PPD and ask for someone to recognize my sadness.
     While this blog post hasn't been the most fascinating, I felt I had to write it if only to tell other Moms, if even just one, you are not alone! I felt lonely and sad despite the pure joy I got from my daughter. Some Moms don't feel joyous or connected to their newborns, and that is treatable! Being a Mom is tough! Being happy and in awe of your child 24/7 is not going to happen, but we are taught to feel guilty if we express anything but sheer bliss of being a Mother. Sometimes, it's 3a.m. and you haven't slept yet, your child is screaming, your breasts are out of milk, you have spit up in your hair, and your partner is so sleep addled they fall asleep trying to console you. That's not glamour and bliss! Or sometimes, you're alone for hours, talking to a baby who screams and screams for no good reason and you start to feel like inviting the mailman for tea, just to hear someone else's voice! If these feelings are frequent, do not hesitate! Call your O.B, or Primary or even your child's Pediatrician and tell someone how you are feeling. You are not alone and this is more common then you might think. Get help, it is so worth it, because the flip side is sometimes, it is bed time, and you've just read your favorite children's story to your baby and they are snuggled up to you sleeping so peacefully and your heart fills up so full of love... because you got help making that connection.

   
If you suspect you have PPD and need assistance, you can start at any of the following links:
Postpartum Progress
Wings4Moms
Postpartum Health Alliance

The Stubborn Mama

     Hello, and welcome to my blog, New Mama Talk! My name is Jill and I am a brand new Mama!!! My little girl came into my life in a somewhat traumatic manner, and I want to share it with other Mamas and soon-to-be Mamas. I was a Mommy with a plan, a birth plan that is! When I told my O.B.  that I was writing a birth plan, she encouraged the idea and requested to go over it with me to see if I had any questions. She already knew that for various reasons, I personally did not want to induce, I did not want pitocin administered at any point, and I wanted to birth as naturally as possible, with pain medication as an option only if and when I brought it up.
     Little did I know, my daughter was already in charge, and her plan was very different from my own. Not only was I induced a week early due to hypertension concerns, but I wound up utilizing pitocin, and TWO pain medications.
     I was admitted to Labor and Delivery Thursday, July 9th at 11:05. I live in Maine, and our families are from New York, so we had to contact our Parents and loved ones while getting settled. I was given Cervidil at 2:00pm on Thursday to "ripen the cervix and induce labor". I was told this drug could take up to 12 hours, and I would be examined at that time. At this point I was naturally 2cm dilated with mild, infrequent contractions. Over the course of the next 12 hours, I waited around feeling some intensified, but still fairly mild cramping. During these hours, my Mother, Father and Niece arrived as did my Boyfriend's Mother and her Boyfriend (also New Yorkers). We got them filled in and began a long game of hurry-up-and-wait.
     At 2:00am on Friday morning I was given a cervical exam and told that I had progressed not at all! I was still 2cm dilated and not softened in the least! A more concentrated inducing agent was administered, and I was told to wait for four hours this time. My Mother was crammed into a rocking chair in our room, refusing to leave until this point (when I could guarantee her it would be several more hours until "go time" at which point, she took Dad and my Niece to my house for a sleep!) and my Boyfriend's Mom had just left for her hotel bed. This was about 3:00am. At 7:00am I was examined again, and had progressed barely an additional centimeter. At this time, it was decided my water would be broken manually, and hopefully I would progress naturally from there. At 8:00am my water was broken.
      I progressed slightly after that, but too gradually for my Doctor's liking. I wound up having a Pitocin I.V. administered at 11:00am. I refused medical pain relief until 5:00pm at which time I requested Nubain. This drug lasts for 2 hours and I found it terribly ineffective. After the first two hours I requested an additional dose, but around 8:00pm I caved in and received an epidural. I slept for the first time since being admitted, and woke up around 2:00am Saturday morning. I told my nurse that she should get a Doctor to examine me, as I felt a LOT of pressure, and was told that I was "Due to be examined in an hour and a half". I had to insist that I felt like pushing. Upon being examined, the Doctor found that I was correct, and the it was in fact time to start pushing!
      I started pushing around 2:48am and my daughter Ava was born Saturday, July 11th at 3:41am. When she arrived, the umbilical cord was wrapped tight around her throat, and she gulped amniotic fluid on her way out. I was unable to hold my daughter for the first 6 hours of her life. She was rushed off the NICU where she was monitored for 10 hours.

Even after she was released into my room for recovery, she was poked and examined every few hours, and given an I.V. of antibiotics to ensure the fluid in her lung wasn't an infection.
     Though her entry may have scared me half to death, she's here now, and she is thriving and beautiful. So for all you Mamas-to-be out there, it is great to have a plan for your birth, but just know that had I been looser about how closely to my plan I stuck, I could have avoided a lot of waiting. She was worth every minute, and your bundle will be, too.